


I will hold onto you until my hands bleed

by Youaremysunflower



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, El and will besties so true, F/F, Gay Will Byers, Hurt/Comfort, I don't get into it but I Need u to know that he does, M/M, Minor Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Possibly Unrequited Love, Suicidal Thoughts, Will Byers Can't Catch a Break, Will Byers Has PTSD, Will Byers Is Not Okay, hinted at - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29370090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youaremysunflower/pseuds/Youaremysunflower
Summary: Will Byers has to deal with things changing all the time, it's nothing new, it's just a part of life. He just wishes he could get used to the way everything seems to slip through his fingers no matter how hard he's holding on. He wishes he could keep some of the constants in his life forever.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	I will hold onto you until my hands bleed

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like change. I like to hold onto things until my hands bleed, and I tend to pick my people and stick with them. Change is hard to deal with. Even when positive things happen I have trouble accepting them as reality or wanting to get used to them. Afraid they'll disappear in the blink of an eye. In this fic I'm passing that onto this fool.

Change is scary. Absolutely terryfying. And you have to deal with it in the most frustrating ways, it grips and tears at everything you keep close and anything you care about. And yet, change is constant. 

Especially in Will Byers life.

Things will never be as they used to be, they'll never the same, but once you get used to what the new normal is, life just flips you on your head and presents you with a new warped reality of what you used to know. 

When will saw El for that first time, he was relieved. Seeing her there was at first confusing and yet it was comforting. El, this amazing girl was actually there, with them. He looked over at Mike, who was looking at the girl- Eleven, El. Something in his stomach turned. He ignored it.

After Will came back from the upside down, things were different. Before everything, they already spent a lot of time together, but now, it seemed they all wanted to spend even more time together, with _him_.

It was nice, knowing people cared.

You could specifically see the difference with Mike. He became more.. of a constant in Will's life, if that was even possible. Some people would even consider him clingy in some ways.

Will would keep his walky talky up on his nightstand. He would always check that the batteries haven't fallen out, since that would happen sometimes . Mike would call often, he didn't want to miss his call and leave him hanging. Dustin would call sometimes too. It was nice. 

Spending time with Dustin was easy, fun. 

Mike was a whole different thing. For different reasons. For most he was, _confusing_ in some ways.

Changes were difficult to get used to sometimes, so it took time. Will didn't understand why he chose to spend so much time with him, he wasn't complaining - he would take what he could get - but nonetheless, Mike was a constant in his life, and yet a confusing one at that. Will just had no idea what Mike was thinking or what he was trying to do, or if there even was anything Mike was trying to do. He lost El and Will went missing for a week, so he understood the reaction, it was just.. Hard to get used to. 

At El's return, things changed again. Another change to get used to. His walkie talkie went silent. For months. Nothing. Not from dustin, not from Lucas and not from Mike. 

Mike pulled away after that, all the ruitines were broken.

Will knew he shouldn't have relied on them, but he desperately needed to rely on _something_ , and now he felt stupid. He told himself that he shouldn't be upset about this. And for a while he was pretty okay, after all he still had his other friends to hang out with. Sure it wasn't on the same level of closeness that he had acquired with Mike, but that didn't matter.

It was more than enough. _It_ _had to be._ But then, they all started pulling away too.

Will wanted to die. 

You'd think that this many near death experiences would make him fear death, or make him desperate to want to live more, but his brain had decided that that's just not how they're going to deal with all of that.

Will's been laying in bed, all of his blinds shut down like he's in some emo movie scene. His mum came in to pull them up. So he can get some sunshine or something. But generally just learned to give him space.

Will wanted to die.

Lucas just wanted to ride around on their bikes for a bit, "come on man, it'll cheer you up!" he said, smiling at him.

He needs to get out of bed. He needs to shower, it's been a couple days (it's been 3 weeks). It's cold outside.

He gets up, grabs a hoodie, and whatever warm material he can reach and can still ride a bike in.

He wants to tell someone, but he knows he can't. Lucas doesn't _actually_ want to hang out with him, he's probably just bored and Will was the closest person to ask. He doesn't need to bother him with this.

Will steps out of his door and he can tell that this is gonna be hell.

He's not that pleased that it's cold out, and he's really, really exhausted. He just wants to ask Lucas if he's miserable too, and just lying to Will and everyone else about it.

He wants Lucas to tell him that he doesn't want to die, he needs so badly for someone to say that not wanting to die is an obvious option that he's been missing and can simply choose. Because he's getting really annoyed with everything. 

He shakes his head as to rid himself of the thought.

In the end it was Max who got to him, once. He was just about to leave one of their group sleepovers at Mike's house, but she stopped him right before he opened the front door.

She looked kind of... uncomfortable, like she wasn't sure if she should be doing this, or how to do this. "Hey, Will. Wait up" 

This was weird, not a thing that they really did. "This isn't really a thing that I do, but, are you... okay?" She had that face expression on again. 

"I don't know, I just- you've been kind of… quiet again. El asked me to check up on you. She's been worried." she said 

El's been worried?   
"What?" 

Her face kind of flushed, she looked embarrassed, or maybe annoyed. Max looked ready to defend herself.

He tried to get himself together. "Sorry, I just- El was worried? I didn't really - I don't." He cut himself off and tried again 

"I just wasn't expecting it, sorry" 

She smiled up at him "It's okay."

Max looked to be a little deeper in thought than usual as she continued. 

"But- ofcourse she's worried Will. Both of us kind of are. I know things have been a bit different and we haven't been playing that game you like so much lately, so she - _we_ just wanted to check up on you" 

This was kind of unexpected. Will wore a tiny smile on his face. 

"thanks Max, I'm fine. But, thank you." 

Her face morphed into a stone cold expression, and Will was half expecting her to say something incredibly serious or something incredibly stupid. 

"Well, someone had to check up on my favourite loser" instead she just went for a light hearted response, it somehow helped.

"ha, ha, very funny" Will said while trying to suppress a smile as to not let her win for.. well whatever that remark was, and yet still failing miserably. 

"Hey Max, have you gotten everything yet? What's taking you so long, you know perfectly well where the snacks are in this house!" came a shout breaking them out of their tiny conversation. 

She smiled at him again and made her way to the kitchen. 

As he walked out he closed the door behind him and felt the cold breeze hit his face.

Huh.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is v welcome <3 
> 
> This has been in my drafts for a long time, I wasn't sure if I should post it or not because it still feels like something is missing, I just can't put my finger on what that is. But I think this is as good as it's gonna get. This is most definitely not like,, that good, but I think I had fun writing it.  
> If anyone read this, thank you, and I hope you're holding up okay <3
> 
> Stay safe <3


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